Oh Look, Krill!

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This fertility thing

I’ve always wanted to have a family, to settle down with a partner and raise our children together. It never occurred to me how getting pregnant isn’t going to be easy, until we tried.

Medically, a couple is said to have an infertility issue if you’ve not been successful after a year of trying. It doesn’t help that it’s been drilled into my head during reproductive biology,  that getting pregnant after 35 is fraught with danger. So I started panicking a little bit that we were still unsuccessful when our first wedding anniversary rolled by. The unavoidable questions started coming from relatives. I hated the questions. It made me angry and sad at the same time. Like I’m faulty and there’s no exchange or return policy.

We’ve tried the ovulation predictive kit, tracking basal body temperatures and taking pre-natal supplements, but to no avail. So recently, we’ve decided to see a specialist about it. We’re in the early stages of tests to check if there is anything is wrong with us medically. Part of me is scared to know the results but the other part of me needs to know, just so that we can see what options are available to us.

It’s scary, this journey. You don’t know what to expect and rather stressful as well. I get poked and prodded with needles and other medical things. Sometimes I look at couples who are lucky enough to get pregnant easily and I wonder, what am I missing? What am I doing wrong that we’ve yet to be blessed with a child.

I don’t talk about this as much as I’m not sure if it’s appropriate. And also, i don’t want to open myself to unwanted ass-vice from people who’ve never gone through this. Talk is cheap. Unless you have something useful to say, don’t say anything.

I do hope that we’ll be blessed soon. The house feels a little empty without children.

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