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Learning From The Past And Moving On

Sometimes a relationship can leave you scarred and with issues that you’re still unraveling, long after the relationship had ended.

I’d blamed myself a little for the end of the previous relationship until I discovered that it wasn’t my fault. It had never been my fault in the first place. I’d grown up into someone different; very different from the person who entered into that relationship.

I could never be the typical Malay wife/daughter-in-law because I don’t know what that is. My family raised the women to be strong, independent and smart. We’re quick to temper and we can only pretend to be meek for only so long before we start chomping at the bit and our true colours appear.

As much as I love cooking, I’ll never be as good as someone who cooks for a living. I don’t have the time to practice.

I would never be happy as a stay at home housewife, puttering around the house and taking care of the kids full-time, and not have a social life.

I was made to feel like I was never good enough for anything and that’s the worse feeling ever.

I was just different, with different interest and a different personality. That difference was apparently not accepted.

But I learned a lot of things since then.

I learned that I don’t have to give in all the time and that my opinions and thoughts matter. I learned not to be a doormat.

I learned that being different isn’t a bad thing. Just because one person doesn’t get it, it doesn’t mean that no one else won’t get it either.

I learned that I am good enough. For someone else, I would be awesome.

Most importantly, I learned that just because one man treats you badly, id doesn’t mean that others will too.

The right man will be ok with you being different. He might not understand it but he’ll acceptit because it’s who you are and it’s what makes you, you. The right man will make you laugh, smile and warms your heart in ways that you ever thought possible.

And I think I might have found him.

Simple Dates

The best dates that I’ve had so far are the simple ones. No fancy outings or food. No fancy dressing up. Just two people enjoying each other’s company and doing things that one would normally think would be fun.

Like sitting at the counter seats at a local Starbucks, watching people and pigeons over coffee and pastries, while at the same time, discussing what we read in The 4 Hour Work Week.

Spending a few hours in the pool, swimming laps and teaching/learning how to swim more efficiently.

Sitting quietly in the library, reading a pile of comic books between us.

Sharing a meal and just talking about our day.

I don’t know about anyone else but these dates are the ones that I look forward to.

Over You

Once upon a time, a young girl fell in love with a young man. He made her laugh, made her smile and for the first time in her life, she was genuinely happy. She wanted to be with him forever, God willing. She thought that he would be the one for her.

Things were wonderful at first but then the challenges started. Long distance relationships take a lot of effort to maintain that relationship, that connection between the two of them. Communication was important but it wasn’t made a priority. The two met up when ever he came back for a visit but she could feel the distance forming between them. She just didn’t know how to express that feeling.

As time passed, they grew apart, into different people, who just don’t seem to have that much in common anymore. She tried to keep the connection between them but it takes two to make things work and in the end, she just stopped trying. It hurts her that everything she tried wasn’t reciprocated. She made up excuses for him; that maybe that he was too busy and that she should be more understanding but inside, her heart bled.

When things ended between them, even though it was a mutual decision, her heart ached because she still loved him. Her heart hurt more than she let anyone else know. She kept her spirits up and her friends were wonderful, cheering her up and making her laugh and for a time, forgetting her heartache.

She went about her life, doing the things she loves, hanging out with awesome friends and making new ones. When she thought that the young man was out of her life, his unexpected presence in her virtual world brought back some of the heartache she felt. Each time he appeared in her virtual world was like a tiny stab through the heart but over time, the pain lessened and when finally, she felt nothing at his most recent appearance, she knew that she was well and truly over him.

She’s found someone new and for the first time in a really long time, she’s happy, loved and appreciated. She won’t let the past cloud the present or the future. She may not know what lay in store for her but she knows that she’s going to be fine.