Oh Look, Krill!

Oh don't worry. Whales don't eat clownfish, they eat krill.

Counting Down The Days

Half the year has gone and as the second half starts, I start counting down the days; to the end of my time working at my current work place, the start of my life as a wife and the start of my responsibilities at the new work place.

A friend of mine said that I, like her, seem to do things the bandaid way. Why string out the pain slowly, just rip the bandaid off quickly at one go?

I didn’t plan to have everything happen at the same time. It just so happened that it all seems to happen in the same month.

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Are you sure this is supposed to be part of the process?

Because all this talk about wedding is annoying me. And it’s my wedding. All I want to do is to tell the whole world about the wedding plans and shit.

All. The. Bloody. Time.

Seriously, I’m so Minah Kahwin-Kahwin right now that I want to smack myself.

I want to show people all the pictures I took of myself after I did my make up trials. The hair that my make-up artist did for me. All the different presents. What we’re planning. What I’m wearing. What he’s wearing. Where we’re going. Heck, I want to show the whole world my wedding dress, like oh my glob, just stop it with the wedding shit already.

I wonder if other brides-to-be have this same reaction? This insatiable need to talk about the wedding.

I wonder if this is how Bridezillas come about, to have all that attention focused on just them.

The thing is, I just want to get the wedding over and done with so that we can actually start on the married life thing, to build something together, which I thing is more important than the wedding itself.

I think I need a distraction. Something to keep my mind off the wedding stuff.

Preparing for married life

A couple of weeks ago, Dude and I attended a marriage preparation course. It’s a course that’s recommended by the Registry of Muslim Marriages, for couples who are planning to take the next step in their relationship. It’s a way to assess if you and your partner are ready to take on the responsibilities as a husband or wife.

The class covered 5 topics over the 2 days; communication, conflict resolution, finance, sex and keeping the romance alive after marriage. They also covered the Islamic POV/method with regards to all the topics. I found the classes to be most informative and that two days were not really enough to cover everything that the counselor had prepared, so we skimmed over some parts and did other parts in detail.

The course stressed that as a couple, we both come from different families, with different habits, traditions and dynamics which may cause problems, so the best way is to identify what those differences are and to work on them before they become a problem. It was interesting to see how different Dude’s family interaction is with mine, but it was not something that was clashing. When it does clash, that’s when communication is important, and problem solving.
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Wow, has it been a decade since I started working?

This Wednesday will mark my 10th year as a full-time employed person. It only feels like last month when I just got home from uni and lounging around, ignoring my mom’s pointed reference to my unemployment state. Good times, those.

These past decade has been interesting, professionally. Most days, I feel like I’ve not accomplished much since I’ve been working in the same company, sitting at the same office space/lab bench ever since I started. I’ve seen colleagues come and go and I’m still here.

But, when I take a closer look, I’ve actually done a lot more than I realised.

I’ve seen technology changes in the lab, so rapid that I can’t keep up. The same machine, with the same function, only upgraded to the point where it barely looks like the original machine I trained on.

I’ve done so many different projects over the last decade and picked up a lot of skills that only come with on the job training. What they taught me in school was just the tip of the iceberg. School teaches you why and the purpose of those experiments, the job teaches you to refine your skills, to steady your hand at critical moments of the experiment, and to do things often enough that it becomes muscle memory.

I’ve had a boss tell me that she’s never seen a Western blot result as clean as mine. Ever. Pretty good, huh?
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Giving thanks

I’ve not done this in a while. Sometimes, when you’re bogged down by the bad stuff, you forget the good stuff that you’ve got and you forget to give thanks that you still have them.

Even though things at work aren’t spectacular, they are better; just enough to be bearable.

I’m thankful that I still have a paying job to contribute to my savings and for my daily expenditure.

I’m thankful that even though it had been slow, the next step in life is happening and it seems to be kicking up speed.

I’m thankful that despite the bad performance I’ve had at work, the company has been kind.

I’m thankful for my support system, made up of my family and friends; for being there when I was at my lowest and for helping in what ever way they can.

I’m thankful for my relatively good health and I’m going to make improvements to my diet and exercise to keep myself healthy and strong.

And I am most thankful for the joy, love and peace in my life.

Am I ready for the next step?

When I was younger, I wanted to get married and have a family right out of school. It was a good thing that didn’t happen because I would have missed out on a lot of things that I got to do as a an unmarried young woman.

I had gotten close to getting married once but it didn’t work out, which was the best thing for the both of us.

Now that I’m older, presumably more mature, going down that route again seems like a natural progression. I thought I was ready but as plans get more concrete, I’m having second thoughts.

Sapphire Diamonds

Not real engagement rings. I was just testing them out

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Out of sync

Have you ever felt like something is off but you can’t figure out why, even if the past few days have been perfectly fine? That’s what I’m feeling today. It feels like I’m in a time shift, a milli-second out of sync with everything else.

When the two worlds sync, I’m feeling fine and happy and then when it’s out of sync, it feels surreal.

I’m not drunk or on drugs. I just don’t feel… normal.

I don’t normally swear and I’ve been swearing like a drunken sailor.

My temper is on a hair trigger.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.