As I was researching through site after site, article after article, for an assignment for school, I came to a realisation that I've been in the wrong field of research. For six years, I go through the motions without passion or that much feeling. I thought that there was something wrong with me, that my innate laziness had just gotten worse. Today, I realised that there's is NOTHING wrong with me. I just happen to not be interested in human related science. At. All.
Sometime last year, I told the Significant Other that reading research papers for school, especially on ecology and climate change, made me feel so much emotions that no paper ever had. It might seem extreme to feel absolute anger/hatred at the human race for the destruction that we're doing to the planet, but that's exactly what I felt. I've never felt such intense emotion over science (other than the abject despair in relation to some work related things) before. It's new and wonderful feeling. It made me feel like I finally found something that I would enjoy working on.
A long time ago, I'd resigned to the fact that I was never going to go further than where I am now, seeing that I don't have the drive to pursue something. Anything. When I finally got my act together and applied for grad school, a whole new world opened up to me. I found that I have a passion for ecology, conservation and everything environmental. For once in my life, I can actually see myself doing a PhD, and that means a lot to me.
Some people say that there might not be a lot of opportunities for doing conservation and ecology work in Singapore but I say, screw that. There will always be a need for conservation be it in Singapore or within the region. I'd even work in the zoo, if it helps. Finally, I know what I want and I'm going to go for it, come hell or high water.