Oh Look, Krill!

Oh don't worry. Whales don't eat clownfish, they eat krill.

Grace In Small Things: #33 of 365

1) Having beef stew for breakfast this morning, that was supposed to be last night’s dinner but since I skipped dinner…

2) A quick trip to the gym to work up a sweat. The after gym shower was awesome and worth all that workout.

3) Getting some part of my assignment done while little distraction and some Rainbow playing in the background.

4) A seat on the train home.

5) My grandma smiling at me when I came home and greeted her. Nothing like her sweet, smiling face to make me smile in return.

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Do I Have What It Takes?

At a meeting this morning, I saw the way they discussed the hot science that we’re doing and I felt lost. I felt overwhelmed by the intensity of their knowledge that it made me ashamed of my ignorance.

It’s not that I don’t know science. I do, just not at the level that is expected of me. I don’t have the habit of reading papers because I find them absolutely dry and too technical for my taste. I’m more of the dragons swooping in and burning the village before eating the villagers, kind of gal but that’s besides the point. My technical skills might be tight but when it comes to data analysis, it’s almost negligible. I don’t know where to start on changing that.

I feel like I’m falling behind my peers, watching them move forward while I stay in the background and fall further and further behind the research. It scares me. I used to be on top of things but in recent times, it hasn’t been happening.

I saw the grad students struggle with their lab work, their school work and everything else, and they come out on top. Sure, with heavy eye bags, dark rings under the eyes, a warped personality but they still come out on top.

I don’t know if I have what it takes to do all that and still come out on top. As it is, the paper reading thing is making me shiver a little with fear but I’m managing that. I hope.

Do I have what it takes to go as far and further? I don’t know. All I do know is that I’m going to try my best, even though ultimately, all I want to do is to have a small lab bench space to do my science in peace with no worries about paper work, grants and all that jazz. That is all. Idealistic and naive as it may be but one can always dream. Don’t dreams sometimes come true? Maybe mine will.

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