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Control Issues

1 Comment

I'm feeling out of control over issues at home. With my grandmother being sick and everyone else seems to take the "Let's wait and see" attitude, it makes me want to scream at them. Why would you want to wait and see any more when you can see how obvious the changes are; from her speech, her movement and her cognitive behaviour. How can they not see it? I know that she's fiercely independent and more than a little stubborn but I'm sure that there's more that can be done.

I want to bring up these points to the family but they're just going to shrug it aside and say, she'll be better tomorrow. What if she isn't? You're not the one who saw her fall. You're not the one who saw her lose consciousness the first time. You're not even here every fucking day to see her getting frailer and frailer. Just because I'm ONLY her GRANDDAUGHTER, doesn't mean that I don't have any say or what ever in this issue.

I want them to do something. Anything at all. Something is better than the wait and see thing.

Work is the only thing that I can control but when reagents finish and no one tells me until I actually want to use it, or things are not put back to where they're supposed to be, this frustrates me even more, adding to that feeling of not being in control. It makes me grumpy, irritable and it makes me want to bite people. Hard. And hopefully draw some blood and a chunk of flesh.

I need to at least feel like I'm in control. It stresses me out and screws up my whole body/immune system. I just want things to go back to at least some semblance of order or normalcy. Is that too much to ask?

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One thought on “Control Issues

  1. how about take things in your hands and act on them?for example, for your grandmother’s case, if everyone seems to take no action, maybe you can make the decision and suggest something.