Dear Mr Minister,
I know that you’re the guest-of-honour and I’m sorry that you had that technical difficulty earlier, but did your speech have to be that dry? It’s drier than reading a scientific journal article. You should take some lessons from the speakers after you. Be more passionate when you talk and tell a few jokes now and then, but you’ve got to make sure that it’s good jokes too. Also, you should be reading your speech off the paper. It makes you sound rather monotonous and very dull. I hope that my suggestions will help you to be a better speech person.
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Dear conference organisers,
what do yo mean I can’t have my conference package? What do you mean that ‘due to logistical problems’, there weren’t enough bags to give out. What the fuck! If you knew that a few hundred people were going to attend the meeting, wouldn’t you have brought in more? I better get that bag tomorrow or heads will roll. Fucking morons.
Absolutely no love,
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Dear The Couple on the escalator in front of me,
Please don’t discuss how badly you treat each other in public, especially you, the guy. You stupid comment about how your girlfriend should just accept tte treatment and shouldn’t treat you the same way you treated her, makes me want to ram your head against the wall. And you, the girl, if you’re willing to stick with the guy if he treats you very badly, then you deserve him. Fucking idiots.
You don’t deserve love.