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You Know You’ve Worked In The Lab Too Long When…

From this group on Facebook. The ones in bold are those that apply to me. What about you?

1. You wonder what absolute alcohol tastes like with orange juice – Not my thing but I did wonder what agar/LB or even agarose tastes like. They look kinda yummy when you’re tired and hungry.

2. You can tell what cheap and expensive white coats look like

3. You can’t watch CSI without cursing at least one scientific inaccuracyI do this all the time but I still watch it for Nick.

4. You use acronyms for everything and never stop to elaborate

5. Liquid nitrogen is only about a 1/3 as dangerous as you thought

6. You always seem to use the microscope after the person with the impossible close together eyesFor me, it’s people with eyes further apart than mine.

7. Accident reports are a badge of honor

8. You’ve wondered why you can’t drink distilled water in the lab – It should be clean?Seriously, shouldn’t it be clean enough to drink? I mean we autoclave it and everything.

9. You give the lab equipment motivational pep talks “Work for me today or I’ll reprogram you with a fire axe” is my favorite – It hasn’t gotten to that yet but I think it won’t be long before something like that happens

10. You’ve worked out that a trained chimp could probably do 90% of your jobI think this all the fucking time.

11. When a non-scientist asks you what you do for a living you roll your eyes and talk science at them until they’ve loss the will to live (mainly for fun)

12. You have to check the web to find out what the weather is outside – Lucky for us, we have windows

13. You realize that almost anything can be classed as background reading

14. People wearing shorts under a lab coat disturb you slightly as they look as though they might be naked underneath

15. Although all cooking is a glorified chemistry experiment you just still can’t seem to get it right – Hey, I can cook!

16. Safety equipment is optional unless it makes you look cool

17. Warning labels invoke curiosity rather than caution

18. The Christmas night out reveals scientists can’t dance, although a formula for the movement of hands and feet combined with beats per min is found scrawled on a napkin by a waiter the next day

19. You know which part of the lab you can chill out undisturbed on Friday afternoon

20. You decide the courses and conference you want to go on by the quality of the food served

21. You are strangely proud of the collection of junk you’ve stolen from vendors at trade shows

22. You’ve used dry ice to cool beer down

23. No matter what the timings in the experiment protocol there is always time for lunch in the middleThere’s always time for lunch even if it means coming at 7 in the morning, just so that you’ll be done by lunch time.

24. As has been pointed out to me on several occasions – You can no longer spell normal words but have no trouble with spelling things like immunohistochemistry or deoxyribonucleic acid.

25. Burning eyes, nose and throat indicate that you haven’t actually turned on the fumehood/downdraft bench

26. Your slightly too fond of the smell of (pick one or many) Xylene/Agar/Ethanol/Undergraduates/Alcoholic handwashPersonally,I love the smell of LB, agar and ethanol.

27. You’ve left the lab wearing a piece of PPE (personal protective equipment) because you forgot you had it on

28. You bitch about not being able to pipette by mouth any more

29. Security come round at 2 am wondering why the lights are still on only to find you with your arms up to your elbows in a glovebox

30. you have made some kind of puppet out of a nitrile glove and kept it as a pet. (Putting dry ice in makes for a rapidly expanding if short lived pet)

31. When at a Fall Out Boy gig you wonder why everyone is going round with Faecal Occult Blood (FOB) written on their head!!!!

32. You have an irresistible urge to rip your shirt off superman stylie cos it has press stud fasteners just like your lab coat…..Most often occurring as you walk through a door just like exiting the lab…. (The worlds of strippers and lab workers collide, not pretty) – I’d like to do this but too bad our lab coats have the old-fashion buttons

33. You still get amusement out of “freezing” things in liquid nitrogen!

34. Blinking real fast has saved your eyesight on more than one occasion.

35. You’ve removed your gloves to find a small hole which has left you with either – wrinkly old person hands, a brightly coloured finger (histologists especially) or a burning sensation and dermatitis and some point.

36. You’ve bent down to pick something up off the floor only to scatter the contents of your top pocket under the largest machine in the lab – Common problem i believe

37.When you rejoice when grabbing a handfull of eppendorfs/bijous/anything and it turns outs to be the exact number you needed

38.You can`t wait for lab clean-up coz you get to do random pointless “experiments” to figure out whats in all the dodgy unlabeled bottles (Sniff test is a bit of a gamble)

39. You hate having to change your lab coat to a new one because ‘it just won’t fit right’ and because the wrist bits are way too tight

40. You know you have worked in a lab too long when you actually threaten your cells whilst waving a bottle of virkonHave I mentioned how I fucking hate cell culture?

41.Your nose invariably itches when you’re doing mucky stuff with your hands so you develop the habit of scratching it on your upper arm. Unfortunately you sometimes carry this habit over to real life, where it looks like you’re sniffing your armpits.

42. When as the senior of morphology you threaten each new registrar on their first day that oil and x10 dry objectives do not mix and will result in violence

43. when you say goodnight to your microscope on a Friday night and tearfully hug it goodbye as you won’t see it all weekend

44. When you start making patterns in your pipette tip box as you take the tips out. I made a beautiful spiral todayIt pisses me off to no end when people use my tips and muck up the order that I usually use them in.

45. When you wonder how much it will hurt if I pour just a smidge of this phenol:chloroform/trichloroacetic acid/any random chemical on myself

46. You’ve seen how far away you can hit a target with a squirty water bottle or seeing how far away from the bin i can fire pipette tips.

Wow, that’s more than half the list. Tells you a lot doesn’t it?

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